In young women’s, we’d always go on boating trips. On one particular lake outing, we all decided we’d go cliff jumping. I was (still am) terrified of heights, but resolved to do it, anyway.
Well, I stood up on that cliff for quite some time. I couldn’t bring myself to jump! Countless times, I thought 'okay. This is it. I’m going to do it" and then I’d run to the edge...and then stop short and turn back. I remember the anxiety (BECAUSE HELLO CLIFFS= DEATH), as well as the frustration I felt (WHY CANT I JUST JUMP!?!)
I was about to give up and walk back to the boat when sister white joined me on the cliff. The conversations between us went a little something like this:
Her: okay Brooke. Come on. We’re jumping. Right now.
Me: I can’t I can’t I cantttttt
Her: yes, you can. Come on.
Me: no really, I can’t.
Her: no really, you can. And you will. Let’s go.
And then she took me by the hand, counted to three...and we were off!! And? I let go of her hand right before the ledge.
Well, sister white marched right back onto the cliff AFTER I COMPLETELY BETRAYED HER, held my hand WITH THE GRIP OF DEATH and practically drug me off the cliff with her.
Right now, I feel like I’m standing on the edge of that cliff again. Talking to random people on the street, on the bus, on the train, in the store fills me with so much anxiety! Countless times, I’ve thought 'okay. This is it. I’m going to do it. I’m going to talk to this person'...and I’ll walk up to them...then stop short and turn back. Then comes the frustration- why can’t I just open my mouth!? I feel like such a failure! Such a coward! And the worst part? there’s no sister white talking be by the hand and helping (FORCING) me to overcome these feelings...SO HERE I AM AT THE TOP OF THIS CLIFF; A TOTAL BASKET CASE, COMPLETELY LOSING IT DUE TO FEAR AND FRUSTRATION. So just continue to keep me in your prayers. I can definitely feel the effects of all the ones offered on my beheld thus far. This week has definitely been much better than last, but I’m still having a rough time so PRAY PRAY PRAY: Danke.
I got my first door slammed in my face this week! We went knocking and I walked up to my first door of the night, rung the klingel and this sweet old lady answered BUT SHE SHUT THE DOOR WITHOUT SAYING A SINGLE WORD BEFORE I COULD EVEN FINISH INTRODCUING MYSELF. But guess what? We knocked on the next door and? Found a potential investigator!! So booyaa to that! We're going to have an appointment with him this week...so pray that goes well!
I went on my first split this past week! I went to Neurenburg (THAT PLACE IS BEAUTIFUL). It was just a blast. Funny story: we were walking to an appointment and this American couple yells 'sisters!' from behind and then starts conversing with us. Apparently, my brain can no longer process the difference between English and German, because they asked a question and I responded auf Deutsch and I didn’t even realize it...until I noticed their blank stares. So that was pretty freakin’ awesome.
Anyway, I love y'all so much. I am so grateful and blessed to have a family as wonderful as you...hope you have a great week! I pray for y’alls happiness and safety every day.
Miss you so incredibly much.
Love, Sister Terry